I have wasted too much time today reading through these pages of quotes by David Sedaris, to the detriment of getting anything else done. The first one seems to be the story of my life lately:

“At the end of a miserable day, instead of grieving my virtual nothing, I can always look at my loaded wastepaper basket and tell myself that if I failed, at least I took a few trees down with me.”

“High school taught me a valuable lesson about glasses: Don't wear them. Contacts have always seemed like too much work, so instead I just squint, figuring that if something is more than ten feet away, I'll just deal with it when I get there.”

“Often, I'd take out my magnifying glass and stare into the chaos that was her face.”

“He looked as though his life had not only passed him by, but paused along the way to spit in his face.”

“I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.”

“Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto.”

“When asked "What do we need to learn this for?" any high-school teacher can confidently answer that, regardless of the subject, the knowledge will come in handy once the student hits middle age and starts working crossword puzzles in order to stave off the terrible loneliness.”

“I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at their wasted empty lives.”

“Either he was suffering a terrible case of gas or he had a pint-size child practicing the trumpet in his back pocket.”

Well, if nothing else got done, at least I have these to console me... and there is just enough Cookies and Cream Ice Cream to help finish it off.

Summertime Strawberry Bars

[recipe from Tasty Kitchen]

2 cups old-fashioned oats
1 1/2 cups flour
3/4 cups sugar
3/4 cups brown sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoons salt
1 cup cold butter, cut into small pieces
4 oz strawberry jam
1 teaspoon lemon zest
2 cups strawberries, chopped
3 ounces, white chocolate

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Mix together the oats, flour, sugars, baking powder, soda, and salt in a large bowl. Use a pastry blender to work in the chopped butter until it resembles small peas. Set aside one cup of the mixture. Put the remaining crumb mixture into a 10x13 pan and press down to make an even crust. Bake for 12-13 minutes or until it is firm to the touch. Do not brown. 

While it is cooking, warm the jam in the microwave for about 30 seconds. Stir in the lemon zest. Take the crust out of the oven and drizzle the warm jam over the top. Spread the chopped strawberries evenly over the crust and top with the reserved cup of the crumb mixture. 

Return the pan to the oven and bake for another 20-25 minutes, until the top is lightly browned. Remove and let it cool in the pan for 1 hour.

Melt the white chocolate in the microwave (slowly and on a low heat, because it tends to seize). Drizzle the chocolate over the top and cut into bars. 

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